I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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