butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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