I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
We were destined to go to rehab together
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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