C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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