it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
