he wants to bone in the snuggie
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
