I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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