my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
