I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
