We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Randomize
