Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
