this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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