my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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