TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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