you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Two words: blizzard sex
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize