I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
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