my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
