Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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