her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
