He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize