i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
