I hate all girls vehemently.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
