I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
vagina is talking i cant
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
