Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
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