"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Life without a bra equals bliss.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
