I want to have your abortion
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
