Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize