He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
