I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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