i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
