Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
