I didn't shave. On purpose
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
