Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
