So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
