I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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