even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
