Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
