I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
