the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Randomize
