Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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