I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
