dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
