she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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