Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
