So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
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