i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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