so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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