I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
