A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I came so hard my ears popped.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
