woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
