3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
