I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
