Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
