your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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