I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
You ate ashes out of my bong
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
