thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
