so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I can't put those talents on a resume
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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