I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Randomize