If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
