i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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