Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
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