do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
