If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
