Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
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