When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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