I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
